Hendrick’s Gin Celebrates the Launch of the Department of Not-so-Convenient Technology
Hendrick’s, the world’s most unusual gin, has recently announced its first (sort of) venture into modern technology — a new division of elaborate, entertaining devices that offer an oft-needed respite from the mundanity of mass-produced modern electronics: “The Hendrick’s Department of Not-So-Convenient Technology.” The groundbreaking new department will provide Hendrick’s tipplers an array of offbeat gadgets and gizmos for purchase, released periodically on a whim and a fancy.
The very first item in the department, unveiled Tuesday night at an intimate theater in Manhattan among luminaries in the tech and cocktail world, is Hendrick’s Horatio — a beautifully elaborate voice activation device made of brass, copper and leather parts.
Created as a counterpart to today’s banal and predictable voice-activated speakers restricted to merely answering questions, Horatio is a far-more sophisticated device that’s utterly independent of anything you may ask of it — indeed, you never know exactly what Horatio may say!
“Rather than breaking new ground, we prefer to cavort imaginatively on existing ground,” stated the gin-maker’s ambassador to the Western United States, Mr. Mark Stoddard, who was in “full turtleneck and specs” in his wardrobe for the event. “Horatio perfectly demonstrates our entirely unnecessary response to what we see as a gaping hole in the modern technology market. The speaker even includes a built-in cocktail holder, an innovation that we expect to rock Silicon Valley back on its knees!”
Key features of this wondrous contraption include finger-powered activation (freeing your voice for other things), a martini holder and endless bragging rights at parties. You might hear Horatio, a chipper fellow with a delightful British accent, utter anything from “The fitness center opens at the ungodly hour of 5am” to “Let’s just say it is a good day to carry an umbrella in one hand and a cocktail in the other.”
The glories of over complication and inefficiency are hardly new for the gin-maker. Hendrick’s has previously bestowed dirigible airships, hot air balloons, pedal-powered cocktail machines and vast amounts of other fascinating and utterly inefficient machines onto the world.
Not only that, the gin itself is concocted on two entirely different types of stills, each of which must be charged will 11 botanicals, then combined and further transformed with rose and cucumber essences — all of which is done in the tiny, utterly inconvenient seaside village of Girvan, Scotland.
The antithesis of today’s movement toward mass production, only five Horatio devices exist in the world. Each is a full-fledged work of art created by two American artists and includes lovingly salvaged antique parts collected over many years. Indeed, no two are exactly alike. These are indisputable prized feats of human achievement that will undoubtedly increase in value over the years, all while continuously delighting Hendrick’s home imbibers, their families and guests. They are available online on a first-come-first served basis for the entirely reasonable price of $1,113 per unit.